Posted by
m0t0r1zed on Saturday, September 27, 2008 6:33:26 PM
after watching another splendiferous political debate and the subsequent wonderfully stimulating commentary, i have lost my mind - again. i'm sick and tired of partisan bickering, punditry, and faloofalafawafalolalooba.
i've given up on my pathetic attempts at faulty, mis-dis-un-tris-fun-gun-bun-reasoned analysis. i've decided to simplify my world view beyond even "good guys vs. bad guys." my answer to any political problem is now very simple.
nuke it.
investment bank goes belly up? nuke it.
russians invade georgia? nuke it.
immigrants sneaking across the border? nuke it.
hurricane tearing through the gulf? nuke it.
axis of evil? nuke it.
social security? nuke it.
the arctic national wildlife refuge? nuke it.
global warming? nuke it.
housing glut? nuke it.
spike in oil? nuke it.
weak dollar? nuke it.
rich people? kaboom.
poor people? yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaarrrrrrggggggggnnnnnnnn. baboom.
middle class? pa-pa-pa kablammo boom boom ba boom.
world opinion of america? five. four. three. two. one. BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
my fellow americans, we can, and we WILL, nuke our way out of every problem. we have a robust, but neglected, stockpile just waiting to be used - my pretty, pretty arsenal. that's why we also urgently need missile defense, so they can't nuke us back.
and to those who doubt whether my solution will work, well ... we'll never know until we try. the logic is irrefutable. it worked in ending wwii. it can work in reducing our oil demand. and dammit, it will work in solving the credit crisis! the iranians understand this. why do you think they are trying so hard to get some of their own? it's the universal answer to everything!
in closing, just ask yourself, if god didn't want us to nuke things, then why would he have blessed us with so many? thank you.